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Ree's Little SpaceYeah. It's All About Me......... October 04 Normal Vs. Abnormal (Revised)Normal or abnormal. A concept in terms I'd never really considered................ until now. The whole thing started with a conversation with my best friend about relationships (mainly, my relationships) and my choice in romantic partners. It seems I have had a bit of a pattern when it comes to romantic encounters, of choosing those who either work too much, keep secrets, cheat, still hang on to hopes or meaningless memories of former lovers, have not reached the maturity level that I have, have not the mentality of people of their age range, or the ability of hindsight and/or foresight. For me, the "normal" partner just will not do; The 40-60 hour per week, come home to have a beer, playing on Internet, "cybering", sneaking off to meet other females (usually much younger, to the point of being barely legal. Or, again, former lovers), wanting to have a "family life" (as that I do not want any more children. Nor, do I see myself ever marrying again), with the average suburban house, the average suburban vehicle, the average suburban hypocritical pointless mentality and all that average "Normal" suburban life bullshit..........As my friend says, "BOO!!!" So, what would suit me? The answer is so easy and clear, that I can't believe I've missed it all these years. I need someone who is what the mainstream world would consider "abnormal". Basically, someone who thinks "outside of the box". I need someone creative, highly intelligent, has their shit together, has goals and aspirations. And, isn't afraid of doing the hard work to achieve said goals and aspirations. Someone who is audacious and adventurous. Who isn't afraid of a good challenge. Strong minded. Someone who is secure enough within himself and the relationship to handle the fact that most of my friends are males (mainly musicians) and I do tend to hang out with them whenever I can (Jealousy is a completely useless, pointless and wasted emotion). I need someone who is exceedingly well read, who is willing to learn and grow spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Someone who fully understands himself as well as the world around him. Someone who isn't afraid to see things from another's point of view and still willing to accept them as they are. Someone who understands that I am exceedingly sexual and passionate, but I am not in anyway, shape, or form promiscuous. Someone who, like myself, lives life a bit on the dark side, but not to the point of the extreme. Given my current location, such a partner is practically non-existent. I sometimes wonder if such a man even exists or if my expectations are too high. Then, shake those stupid notions from my head and remember that I have met such a man, who has been my best friend for quite a while now. Therefore, logic would dictate that surely more must exist. And, that I should expect nothing less. I am in no hurry at this point in my life to jump into another relationship. I am totally enjoying my freedom as that I hate drama, bullshit jealousy, useless petty behavior, and every other useless emotion that is wasted by the weak minded and/or the under educated. Companionship would be awesome. But, I refuse to settle just to have someone for right now. I have known so many people who get into or stay in a relationship just for the point of being in said relationship. That is just the stupidest thing EVER!!! Example: Said Person: Man, my significant other is driving me crazy. They don't want to work. They don't this. They don't do that. They do whatever that pisses me off. They still talk to whomever I don't like or trust. (Get the picture?) Me: So, why are you still in the relationship?? Said Person: It's financially easier for them. I love them, but I'm not in love with them. They are so sweet and I don't want to hurt them. They are good to me (even though I'm not really into them). (My personal favorite) I can change them for the better. I can see the good side to them. ....(Blah Fucking Blah!!) Me: (Scratches head).........Whatever.... .Stop wasting my fucking time. Bullshit. Useless. Pointless. Wasteful. Retarded. Senseless. I refuse to be one of these people. Period. September 02 Normal Vs. AbnormalNormal or abnormal. A concept in terms I'd never really considered, until now. June 26 FoolishIs it foolish to want you here June 02 The Reviews Are In!!This Is From The Current Issue of The Blythewood Leader: Playwriting goes back to ancient history, back to Shakespearian days when the only form of entertainment was watching the artists perform. Of course a lot has changed since then. For one, women are allowed to be in plays now. Not only as members of the cast, but even as directors and board members. Elizabeth Ross knows this first hand. She recently directed the play "A Streetcar Named Desire" in Winnsboro's own Pine Tree Playhouse. Yes, that's right. Winnsboro does have a playhouse. There is still a form of culture right here in our own backyard. The Pine Tree Playhouse was started in 1972 under the Recreation Department. Originally plays were performed at Mount Zion Institute. When it burned down, the playhouse moved to the new Mount Zion Institute. When the old Mormon Church on Congress Street came up for sale, a group of men in the community purchased it and presented it to the Pine Tree Playhouse as the new place for performances. Many of the original members of the board for the Playhouse still sit on the board. "I have been here since 1976," said Ginny McKinney of Winnsboro. "We have a lot of new people on the board now, which gives a fresh perspective on things. The Board of Directors is great. There is so much more to putting on a play than people think. There are prop preparations, ticket sales, casting calls, lighting, sound and much more. It can get quite expensive." The most recent play held at the Pine Tree Playhouse allowed the guest to experience life in New Orleans. The content of the play was more for adults than for youngsters, dealing with such issues as poverty, domestic violence and family relationships. "A Streetcar Named Desire," written by Tennessee Williams, was wonderfully performed by cast and crew. Many of the actors/actresses were local people. Director Elizabeth Ross said, "I am honored and touched by this extraordinary cast who has chosen to put themselves before you and bear part of their souls. That is what actors do, after all. They put their heart and soul into this production and I am so proud of them!" The main characters of this play were Stanley and Stella Kowalski (played by Mike and Betsy Hemlepp) and Blanche DuBois (played by Catherine Hendrix). Blanche, who appears to be all prim and proper, moves in with her sister and brother-in-law, Stella and Stanley, when she has lost everything she had. But rather than coming out with the truth to begin with, Blanche convinces her sister that she lost everything by trying to hold up the homestead by herself. As it turns out, she lost everything because she not only had a drinking problem, but lost her job after being involved with one of her seventeen year old students. It seems her prim and proper act was just that, an act. She and Stanley didn't get along from the start. He could see through her "properness" and she could see him for the brute he was. After beating up his wife and yelling all the time, he eventually raped his sister-in-law and convinced his wife that Blanche had gone mad. The play ended with Blanche being carried off to a mental institution. The actors involved in this play really put forth a lot of emotion. It was sometimes difficult to realize it was only an act. The Pine Tree Playhouse will be announcing their next production coming up in July. Be sure to get your tickets in advance and experience how a small town like Winnsboro still has a lot of culture to offer to the community. May 12 A Streetcar Named DesireAs most people know, there has been a small
group of us working on a little show called "A Streetcar Named
Desire" by Tennessee Williams. We began this journey at the end of January.
All of us involved have read and loved this play; although I don't think any of
us thoroughly understood or even possibly could have known the journey we
were about to embark on together. April 09 Does Life Imitate Art? Or, Does Art Imitate Life Last night for the first time, in the two months we’ve been rehearsing, I have felt the full scope of raw emotions this production brings out. The subject matter of domestic violence, mental abuse, and even rape are almost too much to bare. Sitting there in audience waiting for my scenes to come up I watched. I suddenly realized I was almost watching my life flash before my eyes. Unless you’ve lived this life, you couldn’t possibly understand. You wouldn’t understand the mentality, the anxiety or the fear. Sitting there last night, I was transported back to that place of just a few short years ago. A place where I and those around me at the time were these characters. I have lived their lives, felt their pain, cried their tears. It wasn’t that long ago when I loved someone who could lose his temper at a moment’s notice, spinning him into a blinding rage. The scene I watched filled me with all of those emotions. Emotions I haven’t known in a very long time. Emotions I have long forgotten about. I came home tonight shaking. Barely able to breathe, much less able to speak. When I did speak I stumbled over my words, grasping at anything to keep it together. I called a buddy to chat, but even that didn’t calm me down. After we hung up the phone, I finally broke down and let it all come flowing out of me like a raging flood. Then I began to write. Writing has always been a natural form of expression for me. A way of venting and releasing all emotion. The pen being mightier than sword, short of way. I knew before I even auditioned for this play what it entailed. I knew it was going to be emotionally difficult and there were scenes and feelings I would have to see and feel all over again. So, why am I willing putting myself through all of this? The answer is very simple. Everyone has something they are afraid of. My fear is having history repeat itself. This is my way of facing my fear head on. If I can see, hear, and feel all of this again and come out on the other side then I can truly say I have survived. That I’ve truly made it out of the darkness. That I have nothing left to fear. For the most part, I know I have faced and dealt with everything that happened. I have learned a great deal from those experiences and have come out better, stronger, positive, and more enlightened from having survived it. But my only question is, can I face it again without fear or hesitation? If I allow myself to go back into that dark labyrinth that I’ve spent years lost in, will I be able to find my way back out into the light? Does life imitate art or does art imitate life? How Do We Forgive Our Fathers? Dick Lourie How do we forgive our Fathers? Maybe in a dream Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever when we were little? Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage or making us nervous because there never seemed to be any rage there at all. Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers? For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers? And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness? Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning for shutting doors for speaking through walls or never speaking or never being silent? Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs or their deaths saying it to them or not saying it? If we forgive our Fathers what is left? If you are a victim of sexual or domestic violence, please do not fear to seek help. There is a away out. There is a better life out there. Safe For All National Domestic Violence Hotline March 17 Inspirational WritingsSome people who read my blogs on both on my pages, here & my music page (Innocent Splendor) have asked me where the inspiration comes from and of whom I'm speaking of. Well, I've decided to do a series of blogs explaining the meanings behind certain writings. Stay tuned for some very personal insight into my soul. Sweet DreamsI wrote this song just after a relationship had abruptly ended almost four years ago now. It was about 530 in the morning and I was staying at my parent's house when I my mom came in the guest room to use the computer. I was half asleep when she came in and in my semi-conscious state I thought she was my fiancée. Thinking I was still in our home I called out his name. As I opened my eyes, the only person I saw was my mother standing before me. It was then I realized I was dreaming and turned over to see if I could return to my "Sweet Dreams", but to no avail. It was then I had a little lyric floating around in my head. I sat up, grabbed the notebook I always keep beside my bed and began writing. I finish the entire song inside of 15 Min. This was the first song I had ever written. Some manner revisions were made due to the musical arrangements, but all in all I'm very happy with the finished product. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sweet Dreams
March 14 The Life You LeadThe next song I wrote is called "The Life You Lead". It began from a conversation I was having with a buddy about relationships and what happens after one ends. He was telling me about what he was doing with his life after the ending of his relationship with his girlfriend and I simply stated in my normal smartass way, "Oh what an exciting life you lead". Suddenly something clicked and I immediately told him to hang on a second so I could write that down. Well, that one little second turned into about 10 minutes and by the end of that 10 minutes, I was finishing up this song. The words actually were speaking directly to my former relationship. Interesting how that happens sometimes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Life You Lead Oh what an exciting life you lead. I was the one there for you when you cried. What an exciting life you lead. You live your life in the fast lane. If you had shared your worries, your fears What an exciting life you lead. What an exciting life you lead.
March 13 Tearing Me DownThe next song I began writing was "Tearing Me Down"...In dealing with the abrupt demise of a relationship and in trying to understand the full capacity of what had happened, I began to let everything come out on paper. Pain, sorrow, anger, hatred, bitterness, and heartbreak. "Tearing Me Down" is about the fighting, misunderstandings, and misconceptions were spiraling all around us at the time. We both had a deep and exceedingly passionate love for one another, but the betrayal and lies of someone close to us ultimately became the catalyst that began ripping our entire world apart. And as a result we turned on each other and ripped out each other's hearts. Tearing Me Down
March 12 Control FreakDuring this time I was collaborating with another musician. Our musical styles and taste were rather different. Even so, we fell into a romantic relationship, but our differences soon began to over take every aspect of both our personal and professional relationships. The anger soon erupted from both of us and within just two short months we ended both attachments. It wasn't until later on, that we were able to speak to each other in a civil tone and realize exactly what our differences were. Now we talk as friends and musicians without the anger, coldness, and sinicism we once shared towards each other. This song represents my feelings of that time of anger and confusion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Control Freak {Chorus} Tell me I'm to blame Your words cut me like a knife {Chorus} You said I'd always have your heart You want to control everything {Chorus}
March 11 Forbidden TempatationThis song was written as a composite of several different events that were surrounding me at the time. Forbidden Temptation talks about loving someone you can't have, and spending that one last night with them. I was in the middle of dealing with a relationship that wanted to make up and return to the way we were. Although I loved them deeply, I found I could not return to them due to the unhealthiness of the situation. So, we spent one last night together in each other's arms then when morning came, the dream was over and the time came for us to part. I went home and immediately wrote this song. This has also become one of my most favorite and cherished pieces of writing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Forbidden Temptation
March 10 InvisibleThis song was written for a certain person whom I was very much attracted to. We were very close friends, but at the time he didn't know my feelings. But, after a while things worked out for the best.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Invisible
March 07 My Saving Grace
This song was written for my daughter. The lyrics speak for themselves. There are few that know exactly where I was in life at that time I had her and they know the full scope of the lyrics. This is also one of the more "lighter" songs I've written. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Saving Grace
March 06 You're BrokenThis song was written about a friend of mine, who fell upon some very hard times. For a time, he became very cold and distant. Even to the point of raging against and driving away all those who cared for him. Everyone turned his or her backs on him. Everyone, except for me. I stayed behind and didn't give up on him. I knew him and cared for him so much, I could not stand by and watch him self-destruct. Eventually, through talking things out and getting things off of his chest that had been crushing him for years, he was able to turn things around and regained control of his life. This song reflects some of those tragedies in his life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're Broken
March 04 Leading Me OnThis next song was written about a former friend of mine, who confessed he had fallen in love with me, but was also still in love with a former relationship. He claimed he wanted to be with me, but kept procrastinating on making any real moves or commitment (Due to the nature of the ending of our relationship, I should have taken that as a sign). Eventually, he did make a decision by saying he wanted to be with me and thus forming a romantic relationship. Although, through out the entire relationship he remained disloyal and unfaithfull. After a few years of trying to help him and sacrificing everything in my life, more so for the sake of our friendship, I realized nothing had changed and never would. Therefore, I ended all relations and moved on to a much happier and less dramatic life. Leading Me On
March 03 EmptinessThis song explains some of the events that happened in a relationship and my feelings on it at the time. It was exceedingly empowering to sit down and pour out my heart & soul onto paper and final say exactly what I’ve needed to about the entire situation. This is yet, one of many examples that prove the pen is mightier than the sword. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Emptiness
February 29 My EverythingThis song came about like so many others. I was dealing with a situation with a former relationship and this song is what came out of it. It's about a relationship filled with abuse and during the course of one their many fights their tempers rage and everything has suddenly gone out of control. He falls to the floor and she fully realizes what has just transpired. And, this time she can't take it back. This song tells of the horrors and negative side of Passionate & Obsessive love. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Everything
February 28 For So LongThis song was written for a particular person whom I was once in a long-term romantic relationship with. We had split a few years before and had become good friends. But, again the viciousness of lies people around us were telling him became too much to bare. They wanted to hurt us both for the love and friendship we shared because they couldn’t have the same with him. He believed I had betrayed him, only to find later I wasn't the one who deceived him. We were talking about the possibility of starting over and trying again and there was one person in particular that hated that fact. She hated us both so much b/c he chose me over her, that she created a web of lies and deceit, even when I did everything possible to help them both in a situation they were in together. This song is a reflection of my feelings on the entire situation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For So Long
February 25 My DearThis song is about being lost within one's one world and never finding the way back out. The girl in the song is a representative of the girl I once was. Lost, confused, uncomfortable in my skin, brokenhearted, & distant. For most of my life I struggled with my own identity and who I really am. After hitting rock bottom and being truly tested I found my strengths and find myself. I understood that I was different from most of the people I grew up with and finally found where I "fit in", per-se. This represents a time in my life where I was lost in the dark and those that tried to help me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Dear
February 22 JealousyJealousy deals with a situation I was dealing with in a relationship where the guy I was seeing was extremely jealous of every other male in my life, excluding my daughter's father. The relationship was on and off for a few years, then finally it dissipated. Most of my friends happen to be males and I wasn't willing to give them up simply because my current relationship couldn't handle it. So, for my own sanity, I simply stopped fighting with him and walked away from the entire situation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jealousy
(Chorus) Your face splash with green
February 21 BetrayedObviously, this song was written out of anger. I wrote this after finding out the person I was seeing had lied and been unfaithful. This person was supposed to be my best friend, but, alas, I found out differently...So, here's how I vented my anger...Instead of going postal... Betrayed
February 20 SlaveThis song was written about an experience I had in an abusive relationship. I felt really trapped and enslaved to a really stressful and demanding situation. I think the lyrics speak for themselves.
{Chorus} February 19 GamesThis song was written specifically for my former relationship. He horribly misused and mistreated me, by lying, constantly cheating, and manipulating everyone and everything around him. By the end of the relationship I'd had enough of his games and BS and wrote this song in order vent frustrations that had been building for more than 3 years.
February 13 Let It GoThis song was written about the ending of a former relationship. As much as I tried to save it, I realized there was no use and that the only thing left to do was "Let It Go" and move on to something far more better and healthier. Let It Go
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